i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
