Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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