so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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