I puked a lego.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
