he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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