Fine. I'll sleep in my office
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
