how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
