just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Moan for me like Helen Keller
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
