$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
