I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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