She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
