um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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