I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
