By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize