Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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