i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
