Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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