He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
