but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
