Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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