The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I smell stomach acid.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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