I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
