a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize