At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
