One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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