JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
