I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
