i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
