I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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