the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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