The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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