U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
