I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
