he puts the penis in happiness.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
