if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
