I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
