somebody snuck up and got me drunk
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
