My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
