I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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