If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
no you cant smoke seaweed
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
