It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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