ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize