I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
