Who wears a wallet chain?!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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