some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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