This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
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