I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
