Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
