I look better un-naked...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
