listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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