I murdered the dance floor call the cops
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
