Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
