Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
