I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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