You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
