Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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