I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize