I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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