So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize