You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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