We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i came on her dog
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
