so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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