Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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