just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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