No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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