So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
