just survived the first fart of the relationship.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
there is glitter all over my balls
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
