I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
