i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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