i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
