you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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