Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
