if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize