can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
