Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize