I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
