Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
